


Pray You Catch Me

by Filmsterr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Deaf Castiel, Dean is a Sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filmsterr/pseuds/Filmsterr
Summary: Don't apologize.I think that's cool.Cas’ head shoots up when he reads that, and he can’t contain the rush of excitement that flows through him. He gets called a lot of things because of his disability, ‘cool’ is not a common choice





	

It’s a warm Friday night when they meet for the first time. It had been a long week, so— shockingly enough— it was Castiel who asked Charlie to drag him out. He's glad that he did: despite her nerdy outward demeanor, Charlie knows where to find a hip party.  
  
Which is how he finds himself settled against the wall under a string of white Christmas lights, drink in hand and an immovable smile plastered on his face. This is how he likes to spend his time at parties: tucked off to the side just watching everything around him. He can feel the vibrations of the music nestling in his heart. It’s a strangely soothing sensation.  
  
That’s when Cas catches sight of him— the tall, muscular dreamboat with the confident swagger stationed across the room. He is caught up in conversation, impossible to make out what he was saying, but what is clear was his enthusiasm. Lots of dramatic facial expressions, talking with his hands… it’s captivating. Castiel has to remind himself to look away.  
  
But he can’t stop his eyes from searching for that handsome stranger every so often  for the rest of the night. Whenever he feels like it, he’ll draw in on himself again, stretch his neck high and cast out a glance looking for Mr. Muscles. He gets so wrapped up in one of these sweeps, he doesn't notice a hand tap lightly on his shoulder.  
  
Cas turns around and — bam, there he is. The dreamiest party-goer Cas ever did see.  
  
He’s looking down at Cas with a special smile that seems reserved just for him. He says something, probably, but Cas - awkward and frozen- just smiles dumbly.  
  
His lips are moving again, but it's hard to decipher the words there. There's a strobe light in the corner of the room flashing on the face of the beautiful stranger; plus, the vibrations from the music are proving to be a distraction now, as are the man's perfect white teeth and emerald eyes. From Cas' best guess, the guy says something along the lines of _Loud in here, huh?_ Cas responds with an affable nod because, yeah probably.  
  
The stranger seems to be encouraged by this, and he begins chattering at Castiel, and all of a sudden his lips are flying and poor Cas is totally lost. He winces, and the man’s face falls considerably, as if he’s said the wrong thing. Cas quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out his handy-dandy travel notebook.  
  
He scribbles something quickly on the paper and hands it to the other man. _Sorry, I’m deaf._ And he points to his ear in an exaggerated motion so the guy doesn't think he’s being hyperbolic.  
  
The stranger reads the sentences a few times over, his lips pursed in a truly adorable fashion, Cas notes. Then his face lights up and he makes a gesture at Castiel that isn’t immediately understood. He repeats the movement two more times before Castiel realizes he is asking for the pen. Cas shakes his head with a small smile and hands it over. He watches with interest as his conversation partner marks up the same page with his chicken scratch.  
  
_Don't apologize._  
_I think that's cool._  
  
Cas’ head shoots up when he reads that, and he can’t contain the rush of excitement that flows through him. He gets called a lot of things because of his disability, ‘cool’ is not a common choice. The stranger returns his smile, and its like a whole explosion of warmth in Castiel’s stomach.  
  
Green Eyes breaks their staring contest to write on the page again before passing it back to Cas. _I’m Dean, by the way._  
  
Cas tries to tamper down the fluttering in his heart as he jots down a reply: _I’m Cas._  
  
Dean gives him a solid eyebrow raise. _Cas. Is that short for something?_  
  
_Castiel._  
  
Dean looks like he can’t tell if that's better or worse. His face quirks up and it looks like he laughs. They exchange a few questions on the notepad— _Who do you know here? / Charlie / Ah. I've heard the name but never seen the face_ — before Cas make a suggestion with a definite air of hopefulness surrounding it.  
  
_Want to step outside for a bit?_  
  
He offers a shy smile to Dean, who instantly responds with an enthusiastic nod. He grabs Cas by the hand and leads him through the throngs of people toward an open doorway. Castiel's eyes stay locked on the place where Dean’s skin is touching his.  
  
They come to a table that sits on a porch outside the house. There are Christmas light here too, and somehow they reflect light on Dean's face in a way that make him even more beautiful. Dean lets go of Cas’ hand as they take a seat at the table, and Castiel feels a huff of relief at the lack of thump-thump-thumping in his heart.  
  
Dean reaches out to ask for the notebook, but Castiel shakes his head and flashes a little grin. He makes his own note and hands it over. _You don’t need to write anymore. It’s easier for me to read your lips now._  
  
Dean looks at Cas again and quirks an inquisitive eyebrow. “Oh, really?” he asks, and Cas watches the way the corners of his lips curl upwards.  
  
Cas finds his own lips mimicking the gesture, and he gives a playful nod as a response. Dean rolls his shoulders and looks right at Cas. “Okay. How about this one: you have the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.”  
  
Cas feels his face turn flaming hot and tries to avert his gaze, but it’s hard to turn away from the sight of Dean laughing. Even soundlessly, it’s such a wonderful, full-body reaction. Cas scribbles a quick _thanks_ on the paper, and tries to figure out his next move. He really doesn’t want to screw this up. Dean is probably the hottest person who has ever talked to him, and especially that kept talking to him after they realized, that, well. He's not exactly normal, is he?   
  
Dean's stopped laughing now, and he is peering over at Cas in a very curious way. He looks apprehensive, like there’s something on the tip of his tongue that he can’t quite get out. Cas leans in, begging him to go on.  
  
"Do you have a voice?” he asks after a minute. “I mean, can you talk?”  
  
The subject of Cas’ voice is an uneasy one. It’s strange to a lot of people, pretty off-putting. And, at the very least, it’s pretty far from sexy, so now is definitely not the time to show it off.  
  
Tentatively, he nods to Dean. The green-eyed man sits up a little straighter. “Can I hear it?”  
  
There’s a second’s pause before he tacks on, “I'll bet it’s got to be as gorgeous as those eyes.”  
  
Then Cas is going all red again and he lets out a silent little laugh. On the paper, he writes, _I’ll show it to you another time._  
  
Dean appears bolstered by the note and puffs up a bit in the chest. “Well then,” he says, “I’ll just make to make sure I see you another time, hm?”  
  
Jeez, Cas thinks to himself. He is going to have a permanent blush going if they keep this kind of stuff up.  
  
——————  
  
Dean never stops being as charming as he was upon their first meeting.  
  
He introduces Castiel into his friend group almost immediately, and they are so welcoming it makes Cas feel overcome with gratitude. They’re slow and patient and they want to get to know him, even if it’s a little more difficult than normal.  
  
Most important, Dean doesn’t treat Cas like he’s different, doesn't change the flow of their relationship just because Cas is hearing-deficient. But he is attentive, he's thoughtful. He always makes sure to speak slowly and enunciate and always right in Cas’ line of vision.  
  
He even tries to pick up a few signs along the way. They'll be out on a walk for one of their regularly scheduled Friday night dates, and Dean will turn to him suddenly and say ,“Hey Cas. What’s the sign for ‘kiss me’?” And Cas will show him. And then Dean will repeat the sign, and Cas will kiss him silly, which is a thing Cas really likes doing.  
  
Moreover, Dean is just terribly romantic, and Cas (surprising even to himself) really enjoys being doted on.  When they lie in bed at night, tangled and naked and utterly comfortable, Dean will tell him things like, “I wish you could hear the way you make me sound when we make love.”  
  
Cas will giggle and try to look away, but Dean will insist. “Really, it’s gorgeous. Sinful. You have a talent, babe.”  
  
And then Cas will answer him, in his real voice because Dean makes him feel brave and beautiful and safe, "There are many ways you can show your appreciation with your mouth without speaking.”  
  
That never fails to produce a devilish grin from Dean as he sets about proving just that point, his mouth moving further and further down Cas' body, until he is enjoying a whole litany of sounds that Castiel readily supplies.   
  
————————  
  
Their regular Friday night dates start becoming less frequent.  
  
Dean always has an excuse now, but they're never quite solid. And other nights too, Dean has started to become less available. Castiel thinks that maybe this is just what happens when two people start to spend so much of their time together. He’s never been in a relationship this long, not since high school, and he thinks maybe it’s perfectly normal that someone might need space.  
  
But there's still a lingering feeling. It seems like Dean is keeping something from him, and it doesn’t make Castiel feel very secure.  
  
It comes to a head on a particular Friday when Cas asks Dean if they can try a new restaurant for dinner that night, maybe Indian if Dean is in the mood? But Dean tells him that he can’t, that he's got a thing with Sam and kisses him on the cheek by way of apology. Cas slumps, but tells him it’s alright.  
  
Of course it’s alright. Dean’s allowed to have a life outside of him. Cas is a very cool boyfriend who totally does not care when his boyfriend wants to spend a night away from him.  
  
At least, he wants to be. But then, when Dean hops in for his pre-work shower, his phone gives a sharp little vibration on the bed. Cas flicks an eye over to Dean’s side and the phone isn't immediately visible. And, call him curious, but maybe Cas just wants to see where the phone is. He doesn’t want Dean to waste his time searching for it before work, after all. So he gently rakes his hands across the sheets, over the blankets and under the pillows.  
  
That’s where he finds it, under the pillow, and the first thing he tells himself is to just _put it down, don’t look, you trust Dean_. But then all of a sudden he’s checking the door nervously and flipping over the phone and there he sees a single messaging blinking out at him.  
  
**Lisa** : _We still on for tonight?_  
  
Well, that doesn’t sound like a thing with Sam.  
  
After Dean leaves, Castiel paces his apartment for hours on end, biting at his fingernails and trying to think of any number of reasons why this could possibly be. Why Dean might lie to him. Any possible, logical explanation for who Lisa might be.  
  
All his nervous energy doesn't get him much; he fails to calm himself down even a little. It is obvious why Dean is canceling, why he's been pulling away: he doesn't want Cas anymore. Plain and simple.  
  
And, honestly, who can blame him? After a few months, the novelty of having the token Deaf Guy at your side is bound to wear off. Sure, maybe it’ll be an interesting conversation topic for Dean in the future. He might even bring it up on dates he'll go on, show off the few signs he picked up as a fun party trick.  
  
At the end of the day, didn’t Cas always see this coming? Why would Dean want to stay with him, when there are so many options that are just plain _easier_? When he could be with someone that he can bring to dinner parties, who will jump right into conversations with his friends. Someone that he won't have to explain jokes to, until they’ve lost their humor. Someone that can laugh and moan and chat and can sing him to sleep while they lie together in bed.  
  
The thought makes Castiel’s chest feel like a cavity: a gaping hole he can practically see when he looks down at himself. He wants all these things for Dean. And while it pains him to admit that he’ll never be the one to give them to him, he knows that what is most important is that Dean is happy.  
  
Cas wanders into the living absent-mindedly, falling with his full weight onto the plush couch there.

Now that he thinks of it, this little dishonesty might not even scratch the surface of what goes on without him knowing. Dean could be doing things, saying things, right next to Cas if his back was turned for a moment. Maybe he’s seen Lisa before. Maybe he stood right beside her while Dean flirted and laughed at Castiel.

He wants to think that couldn’t possibly be true. The Dean that makes him laugh, the Dean he has spent the last five months getting to know in the most intimate ways would never be so cruel. But then, he also didn’t think his Dean would lie to him and make plans with an unknown woman behind his back.  
  
He reaches for his phone, hoping to speak to someone, anyone, but finds himself cursing his disability yet again. He doesn't have the semblance of mind to text, and - ha, of course- a phone call won’t be of much use to him.  
  
He doesn’t know how long he wallows on the couch there. The tears begins falling, and he starts silently wailing until he tuckers himself out and his eyes slip closed. Part of him is crying because he feels so stupid. The other part is crying because he is genuinely afraid to lose Dean.  
  
He wakes later to the feel of a large hand gently shaking his shoulder. He rubs his eyes, looks up at Dean with clear vision. He searches that beautiful face for any sign of deception, any hint that Dean isn’t as crazy about Cas and he'd lead him to believe.  
  
Dean leans down and lays a hand on Cas’ face, presses a soft kiss on his lips and gives Cas a sleepy smile. “Hi, angel. Sorry to wake you. I was watching you sleep, but then you looked so cute I started to miss you and wanted to hang out with you.”  
  
Cas tilts his head and squints at Dean. He doesn’t know what to do, so he just sits up and keeps looking at Dean, who shakes his heads and runs fingers through his hair. "Did you eat yet?”  Dean asks. “I can cook you something, if you want.”  
  
Cas just shakes his head, nice and slow, unsure which phrase it’s meant to be a response to. But Dean’s up on his feet and marching into the kitchen before Cas has a chance to properly wake up. He stands up after a moment and follows behind.  
  
Dean is moving about the kitchen in a frenzy, already searching through cabinets and drawers. He turns around and seems ready to ask yet another question Cas cuts him off. He has to just spit it out, before the confidence leaves him. “Dean, are we exclusive?”  
  
The look on Dean’s face is something akin to nausea. His eyes go wide and his lips curl painfully, as he plants his hands on the counter behind him. “Cas, what?”  
  
Castiel doesn’t have the voice or the courage to ask again, so he just stares at Dean and raises his eyebrows. Dean starts to speak several times before his mouth form any words that Castiel can legitimately make out. “Why are you asking me that? Is there someone else?”  
  
_That’s not a yes_ , Castiel tells himself unhelpfully. His gaze drops self-consciously. He looks around him and finds a piece of paper and writes down his next question.  
  
_Where have you been going?_  
  
And, finding that he’d rather just get it all over with at once, he adds two more. _Why are you so busy lately? Who is Lisa?_  
  
He watches as Dean reads over the paper twice, three times, and the purse in his lips reminds him remarkably of their first meeting. Dean’s face rises, looking stricken, and he hardly manages to get out what Cas thinks is a “No, wait" before Cas starts to turn away.  
  
He knows Dean is saying things, trying to talk to Cas and he’s putting his hands on Cas’ shoulders and trying to turn him around but Cas has his eyes firmly fixed on the ground. He doesn't need hearing to know what Dean is saying right now.  
  
And then all of a sudden, Dean is right in front of his face and he says, "I was at a class.”  
  
Something about it seems weird to Cas and then it clicks. Dean isn’t saying the words. He’s _signing_ them.  
  
Not very well, of course. It’s awkward and clunky but it's definitely not a phrase that Cas has thought him. So Castiel shoots his face up to look and Dean is wearing something of a sad half smile. He grabs the paper Castiel had been writing on and begins scribbling. Apparently, he doesn’t have much control over his voice right now either.  
  
Castiel can’t hold himself back. He watches impatiently over Dean’s shoulder even while his hands are still writing.  
  
_I was at class. I was taking a class to learn ASL. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, for our six month. So that it can be easier. Not that it’s not easy now, I like how we communicate now, but I thought maybe this was something I could do for you._  
  
He drops his pen as he finishes writing and closely inspects Cas' face as he finishes reading. Castiel softens, his heart melting a little bit. Dean wanted to do this? For him? It's so... unnecessary. And so thoughtful.  
  
In that moment, something important clicks into place for Cas: Dean has never once thought of Castiel's hearing trouble as a disability. He just thinks of it as another thing about his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who it seems, he really, really does like after all.  
  
Castiel goes to smile, but one last negative thought tugs at him. He pulls on the notebook and jabs a finger at his own handwriting, pointing at the last question with pleading eyes.  
  
Dean looks at him and offers a wry laugh. _Teacher_ , he signs, looking a little bit proud of himself. Then it’s back to vocal words. “She was giving me extra lessons so I could learn faster. I wanted to be pretty good at it before I showed you.” He spares a disappointed look at his hands. “I’m kinda crap at it right now…”  
  
Castiel surges forward to wrap his arms around Dean, pulls their lips together to shut him up in his tracks. He won't listen to Dean disparaging hitself, not when Castiel's just shaken off his own negative thoughts.  
  
“I'm sorry if you thought I was ditching you,” Dean pulls away and says. "I am a terrible liar. I really didn’t want you to catch on.”

Cas quirks his lips into a broken smile at him. He feels a little overwhelmed, the highs and lows of the day having really put him through the wringer. He grabs Dean's hands and raises them, together, up to his face so he can brush his lips over the knuckles. 

"And I already liked the way you used your hands so much before," he says with a wink and a lopsided grin. Dean chooses to use this moment to show off one of the less polite words he learned in his private lessons. 

The two of them share laugh, and Dean squeezes on Castiel's hands. His head falls to the side slightly and for a moment he looks at Cas with a penetrating state. "You know," he says eventually. "This was quite an investment of my time..."

It's sounds like maybe he's angling for a blowjob or something, so Cas just blinks and allows him to go on. 

But the intentions in Dean's eyes are nothing but pure when he finishes, "You better plan on keeping me around long enough to make it worth my while, hm?" 

Cas' heart flutters in his chest as his cheeks go red once again. Of all the possible outcomes his demented brain had imagined for this conversation, none even came close to what he was experiencing now. He's wary to put a label on it, but deep down he knows that it's an infamous little four letter word that's playing on his tongue. 

He kisses Dean's hands one more time and tugs him in for a hug. He leans up to the crook Dean's and suggest that maybe Cas could take him into the bedroom for his own private tutoring lesson. 

Dean's face lights up at his eagerly nods down at his boyfriend. Cas laughs at the dope and begins to drag him across the room. When he spares a glance backward, he could swear he sees a word on Dean's lips that looks something like "lucky". 

**Author's Note:**

> Deaf!Cas is another one of my absolute favorites. I'm a sucker for sweet little romances. Please let me know what you thought in the comments! (:
> 
> The title is taken from a Beyonce song of the same name.


End file.
